Crab Apple Crush

Light from the Autumn's sun filters through my window, spilling across the book, dish, computer-littered table. The warmth of the afternoon tingles across my skin as I sit here reminiscing of a life ten years gone. A shy freshman of 15 years old walking home from a brand new high school. I remember how in the beginning I hated how far my walk was. Felt like it took me FOREVER to get home. And the faster I walked the longer it seemed to take. But after the first few weeks my legs strengthened and I learned to enjoy the moments it took for me to get home.
Autumn was a full fledged seasoned robin. Apple reds, Lemon yellows and Tangerine Oranges littered both sides of the street. The dusty air manipulated the kaleidoscope of the seasons into an even brighter world of beauty. Part of my walk was sheltered by a splashing of crab apple trees. The sidewalk was covered with the little tart-cherry fruits. I half expected a soft "squish" under my tennis shoes; instead all I got was a heel full hard marbles under my feet.
My senses swam with the sweet intoxicating smells...and fluttering, girlish crush on a man. That was what made that walk home so memorable. Him. Here was a gangly, barely AA cup breast girl, (while all the other girls around me flaunted their hormone-injected-food-that-caused-them-to-have-breasts-the-size-of-Pamela-Anderson) with a fantasy crush on a person who had simply smiled at her and made her laugh. For three years, prior to high school, I had been the humiliation and blunt end of cruel treatment from teachers, students and even so-called-friends. Broken, lost and in a world of pain, this simple girl found solice and safety in a man who saw her as a an individual who did have the right to live and enjoy life...and by God for once be free of pain. It was during those long walks home that I reminisced about him. The classes, the lectures, working on homework together and helping him out with stuff for the class. I idolized him. I laughed with him, joked and learned that there was beauty and fun in the world. I had found a true friend. But as time went on, his fear of me pushed him away. When school started the next year, he'd forgotten me. I was lost book in the back of an abandoned library. He paid attention to the other girls and I was not even a memory. Life had played a cruel trick. It had painted a mask of love and friendship over the monsters of pain, anger, sadness and...abandonment.
Now I sit here, ten years later remembering those days. I wonder what could have happened if I wasnt forgotten. What life would I be living now? My daughter's squeaking and playing quietly in her room now. My little angel. You know, if it hadnt happened like this then I wouldn't have my miracle baby...and that is what I live for now.